Why Changing Your Habits Is So Difficult (And How to Make It Easier).
Changing habits is one of the most common—and often frustrating—challenges people face when striving to improve their lives. Whether it’s breaking a bad habit, adopting a healthier lifestyle, or simply trying to become more productive, most people know how tough it can be to make lasting changes. But why is habit change so difficult, even when we have the best of intentions? Understanding the psychology behind habit formation can help us be more patient with ourselves and develop strategies to make the process easier.
Habits Are Hardwired in the Brain
The first reason changing habits is so difficult lies in the way our brain processes routines. Habits are automatic behaviours that are deeply ingrained in our brain’s neural pathways. The more often we perform a habit, the stronger those neural connections become, making the behaviour almost effortless and unconscious. This is part of the brain's natural system to conserve energy—by automating repetitive tasks, the brain frees up resources for more complex thinking and decision-making.
When you try to change a habit, you’re essentially asking your brain to rewire itself. But that process takes time and effort, and the brain is naturally resistant to change. The pathways linked to old behaviours need to be weakened, while new pathways for the desired behaviours must be formed. This is why sticking to new habits often feels mentally exhausting at first—your brain is working overtime to create new neural connections.
The Comfort of Familiarity
Habits are comforting because they provide a sense of predictability and safety. Even if a habit is ultimately unhealthy or counterproductive, it’s familiar and feels secure. When we try to change that habit, we step into the unknown, and that can trigger resistance. This resistance is fuelled by both conscious and unconscious fears of uncertainty, discomfort, or failure.
For instance, someone who is trying to quit smoking might experience anxiety at the thought of being without their cigarette during stressful situations. Smoking, while harmful, has become a coping mechanism and a source of comfort. Similarly, someone trying to change their diet might feel an emotional attachment to familiar comfort foods. The mere act of breaking away from these habits can feel like a loss of security.
Instant Gratification vs. Long-Term Rewards
Another reason why changing habits is difficult is because many habits are tied to immediate gratification, while the rewards of change often come in the future. The pleasure derived from unhealthy habits like overeating, drinking, or procrastinating is instant, while the benefits of healthier behaviours—like improved health or greater productivity—take time to manifest.
Human beings are wired for instant gratification, which is why habits that provide short-term rewards are so much harder to break. The temptation to indulge in an old habit can feel stronger than the abstract or distant benefits of a new one. For example, choosing a piece of chocolate cake in the moment feels good, while the long-term benefits of choosing a healthier snack (such as weight loss or better energy levels) are less tangible and immediate.
The Role of Stress and Emotional Triggers
Stress and emotions also play a significant role in habit formation. In times of emotional distress, our brains often seek out familiar coping mechanisms, such as overeating, smoking, or avoiding responsibilities. These habits provide a temporary escape from negative emotions, even though they may not be helpful in the long run.
When trying to change a habit, it’s important to recognise the emotional triggers that cause you to fall back into old patterns. Stressful situations, boredom, or feelings of anxiety can often push us toward familiar habits that offer quick relief. Without addressing the underlying emotional triggers, it's easy to revert to old behaviours as a form of self-soothing.
The Power of Environment and Social Influence
Your environment can also make habit change more difficult. If you’re trying to eat healthier but live with roommates or family members who constantly stock junk food in the house, or if your social circle encourages unhealthy behaviours, it becomes much harder to stick to your goals. Habits are often reinforced by social and environmental cues—seeing a certain food, being in a specific setting, or associating with people who have similar habits can trigger the behaviour automatically.
This is why creating a supportive environment is key when trying to change habits. Surrounding yourself with people who share your goals, and modifying your environment to minimise temptations, can make a huge difference in your ability to succeed.
The Importance of Patience and Persistence
Lastly, it’s important to acknowledge that habit change takes time. The idea of “overnight success” can be misleading and set people up for frustration and failure. Research suggests that it takes, on average, 66 days to form a new habit, though this can vary depending on the complexity of the behaviour. During that time, setbacks are normal. It’s not about achieving perfection, but rather about consistency and persistence.
Rather than expecting immediate results, focus on incremental progress. Small, sustainable changes over time lead to lasting transformations. Be patient with yourself and embrace the process, understanding that setbacks are part of the journey, not signs of failure.
Changing habits is difficult because of the way our brains are wired, the comfort of familiarity, the pull of instant gratification, emotional triggers, and external influences. But with awareness and persistence, change is possible. Start by understanding why your habits are so deeply ingrained, and then focus on gradual, consistent steps to rewire your brain and environment. With patience, self-compassion, and a willingness to stay committed, you can break old patterns and create new habits that align with your long-term goals and values.